If Only....It Strikes Everyone.

Almost everyone tells expecting and new parents that their lives will never be the same.  What they don't tell you is that you have to say goodbye to the life you have been living.  They don't tell you that you are going to have to mourn the loss of that life.  That you will no longer be able to live as you or your spouse are accustomed to living.  And you know what...it's perfectly alright to mourn the loss of this life.  Moreover, this is not the only time that this happens to a person.  This is probably one of the most dramatic of them, but it is not the only time.  As humans we are creatures of habit.  So anytime there is to be a major change in our lives we must prepare to say goodbye, at least for a little while, to a life that we found comfort in.

Now this may seem strange to think about because after all I wanted a child.  This little girl was as planned as can be and I would not give her up for the world.  In fact I would die for her in need be.  That is how much I love this little girl.  But, even when change is sought after we are never quite prepared for the cost of this change in our life.  In fact, we often get a case of the if only's almost as quickly as the desired change came.  If only she could hold her own head up.  If only she could talk.  If only......  This is why others are inclined to tell new parents to cherish every moment and stage of life.  The reason is that every stage of development brings new joys and new if only's.

The important thing is to find peace in your life no matter what is going on in it.  I was reminded by God about this when after a week and a half of having Sophia I got back into the habit of opening my Bible and reading other believers thoughts on the Christian life that I found peace again.  It was at that moment that I finally felt refreshed.  It was then that I stopped mourning for the life and freedom that I had before she came.  It was then that I experienced the peace of God.  I was reminded that I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.  He is the One that gave me the patience to be able to be calm at 1 A.M. when she is crying and I don't know what to do.

Now do the if only's try to resurface and distract me?  You bet they do.  But, I am reminded by the Holy Spirit that if I don't find joy and peace in Him that I will never satisfy the if only's that will never cease.  So if you you are being troubled with by the if only I was done with High School or College, If Only we I was married, If Only we had a child, If Only we had a house, If Only I had a better job, If Only________.  Whatever it is it won't satisfy.  Turn to Christ and ask others to pray for you and to help you through this time.  Don't be afraid to open up to someone else.  It is how our relationships with one another and God grow.