Inertia Doesn't Bode Well For Relationships

Not all marriages end because of infidelity, finances, and or abuse.  Sometimes the reason given for a marriage ending is that one or both say that they have fallen out of love. They say that it is no one's fault.  They have just drifted away from one another.  In other words, as B.B. King would say, 'The Thrill Is Gone.'  Now there are several problems with this way of thinking.  The first problem when we play the blues card is that we forget that we made a promise (covenant) with God and our spouse that this relationship would be a lasting one.  The problem is that we have forgotten that love is a verb and thus denotes action.  The problem is that we become self centered and we count on past emotions and experiences to carry the relationship forward.  If you don't fuel the relationship it will eventually die.

When dating we often go to great lengths to please the other person and do anything we can for him or her.  This often continues through the first year of marriage which is called the honeymoon year.  The problem usually starts when the ecstasy of finally being together and married wears off. We allow the honeymoon to end.  The man who married my wife and I during premarital counseling told us that in his opinion the honeymoon never has to end!  I happen to agree with him. Because it is when we allow the honeymoon to end that people start to live for me instead of living us.  The solution to this problem is found in the two greatest commandments.

   ““Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” Jesus replied: “ ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”” (Matthew 22:36–40, NIV84)

The second greatest commandments solves the symptoms to the failing marriage, while the greatest solves the problem itself!  When I approach my relationship with my beautiful bride Jenny with this way of thinking it changes my marriage.  I start to think to myself: "What is going on in her life? How can I come alongside her and help her where she needs it?  What is a way that we can both find some time to just enjoy life together?"  When I ask these kinds of questions I am a  better husband and I have a better marriage.  

However, this is only possible when I take the time to ask these kind of questions to God and fulfill the greatest commandment me to love the Lord my God.  When I love God and spend time working on my relationship with Him it is a lot easier to maintain my relationships with people.  But it's more than maintenance it's a joy.  Somehow, cleaning the kitchen and or making dinner at the end of the day doesn't seem as much of a chore as it does on other days.  So because of that, I have to disagree with Mr. King and say: The Thrill Is NOT Gone!  The picture above is Jenny and I on our honeymoon in Maui.  Although there have been some bumps along the road, our trip has only just begun!

Next week, I'll be talking about how Jen and I work to keep both our relationship with one another and with God growing and not becoming stagnant. You may be surprised at some of my thoughts regarding this dilemma that faces most of us.