What Is Love...

I enjoy listening to music.   I enjoy it enough that every now and then I will go to a concert of a band that I really like.  The most recent of those was the David Crowder Band* final tour.  Of the 3 artists to perform first I had only listened to Chris August before the concert.  The third band to perform was Gungor.  I listened to them and found that I really enjoyed their sound and their lyrics for what I could make out.  After the concert I posted on Facebook that the concert was fantastic and that Gungor had found a new fan.  Shortly after this, I received an email from a friend to investigate the theology of Gungor regarding "Salvation."  This in turn led me to re-investigate a pastor/theologian Rob Bell.  For, it was his teaching that Gungor agreed with that I was cautioned.  Now while I had read some of his stuff before and not whole heartedly agreed with him, I felt that now was a good time to look at his newest book and not rely on everyone else's word.

So I picked up his new book entitled Love Wines: A Book About Heaven, Hell, and The Fate Of Every Person Who Ever Lived.  From the title, it seems like a book that I would like.  I mean here is a guy who refers to our relationship with Christ as a Divine Romance.  However, as I began to read it, I realized that this man has taken a leap of "faith" that I cannot follow because I know that there will be no solid ground for him to land upon.  His first big mistake came early on when he stated that the Christian life is not about having a personal relationship with Jesus.  He later goes on in classic Rob Bell style to state that while he believes in a literal place called 'hell' that it will be empty in eternity for everyone will get a continual call from God to join Him.  As a result, it doesn't matter in the long run what you believe about God here on earth.  Ultimately, the problem is that Bell has put his definition of love upon God. He has not sought out what God defines as 'love' as.  God's love is unconditional, but it has to be accepted.  God does not force His love upon us.

Moreover, Mr. Bell has made two other grave mistakes in his understanding of God.  The first is that he does not understand how to study God's word properly.  He continually takes verses and phrases about restoration out of context and applies them how he would like to see them.  The largest of all mistakes is that he places love as God's primary attribute that sums Him up.  I believe, along with many others, that God's primary attribute is Holiness.  Our God is holy!  He is separate from evil.  You are either for God or you are against Him.  Jesus made this very clear in the New Testament and it rings true throughout the pages of scripture.

So all of this to tell you two things.  The first is to stay away from Rob Bell's teachings.  I don't use this word lightly, but I believe the man to be a heretic.  He has traded the true gospel for a false gospel and is therefore anathema (Galatians 1:6-10). Nor, should you be surprised that he has a large following.  People have begun to follow this teaching because it sounds nice to their ears (2 Tim. 4:3).  However, there are many things that sound nice that I know to be false and harmful.

Secondly, it is important to look at the lyrics and beliefs that come out of bands that you listen to.  I was reminded that while it is important to do this for secular bands it is just as important to do this with bands that call on the name of the LORD.  I in good conscience now cannot support a band who aligns themselves with a who teaches like Rob Bell.

So in the end, what does this have to do with the idea "It's All About The Relationship?"  The answer is everything.  If were to listen to lies about my closest friend it distort my relationship with him and possibly destroy it all together.  Now, I believe once you have put faith in Christ His salvation is everlasting no matter what you do later in life.  That is the beauty of and unconditional covenant.  However, it will greatly diminish our relationship with God on earth and even worse than that keep others from coming to Him if we continue to speak falsehood of our greatest friend Jesus the Christ.

It's Not A Fair Comparison

I'm a big fan of music and movies.  I'm able to just sit and listen to music for hours.  This is especially true of songs which tell a story and or express deep emotions.  One of the songs in the past couple of years that I have grown to love is Sanctus Real's 'Lead Me'.  It tells the story of a man who realizes that he has been putting himself before his wife and children.  He comes to understand that what they want and need more than anything else is just to feel loved and spend time with him.  However, to be able to accomplish the massive feat to lead his family and sacrifice some of his desires that he needs his heavenly Father to lead him.  The difference in these two relationships is that up to this moment his family has been calling on him and his strength while he has been ignoring God.  This is a story that is all to common in the lives of those who live in the U.S.  Absent fathers are a plague in our society.  Now when I say absent fathers I don't mean a family who is without a male adult.  What I mean is that there are to many men who think me, myself, and I before they think of my God, my wife, my children. As a result, there are many in this nation who have daddy issues.  

Now here comes a bigger problem.  We believe that whatever level relationship we have with our earthly father will be similar to what we can have with our heavenly Father.  Now, I must say that is an awful unfair comparison!  I don't blame people completely for making this comparison.  After all, it is not surprising that our experiences help to shape how we view everything that comes before us.  However, I to blame the church leadership and individual believers for making this one to one assumption.  

When I became engaged to my beautiful bride I began to research in the God's word what he expected of me as a husband.  I looked at different marriages throughout the history of the Bible.  I at the wisdom writing of what it means to be a good and bad husband.  I learned from the gospels and epistles what not only what a Godly marriage looks like but what the Church and Christ look like as the bride and bridegroom.  I did this because I knew that I could not trust my experiences with what a Godly marriage looks like no matter what the good or bad experiences that I had had in the past.  I knew the only thing worth trusting was God's word on what a good and healthy relationship looks like.

So when it comes to fathers I believe that the same must be done.  We can't just go by what we have seen from our own father and other fathers.  Instead, we must go to the Bible and investigate fatherhood.  We must see the good, the bad, and the Perfect.  If you take time to do this several things will begin to happen.  The first is that you will be able to trust God better by understanding that He will never leave you or forsake you.  He will always love you no matter what you do.  He may discipline you, but that is only because He loves you (Hebrews 12).  You will understand that no human father has ever or ever will be perfect.  This will allow you to show grace and forgiveness to your earthly father.  Also, when you become a parent you will be able to raise your children more like your heavenly Father than an earthly father.  But, if you are already a father understand that it is never to late!  You can start anew.  One of my favorite lines from the movie 'Courageous' is when one of the fathers tells his son, "I don't feel like I stared well, but I want to finish well."  It takes a real man to admit when he is wrong.  Let your sons and daughters know that you are a man of God and demonstrate to them what it means to be a Godly father.  Ladies this goes for you as well.  Show your sons and daughters what a Godly woman and mother looks like.  Break the cycle of misunderstanding who our heavenly Father really is. 

If you don't know how to begin this task of knowing what the Bible says about fatherhood and Godly parenting than the first step is to open up a Bible concordance that matches the translation you use and start by looking up words like father and see what the Bible has to say about the topic.  It will take you some time. But you will be in for a ride as you begin to really know what the true definition of Father is.  After you've come to an understanding of our heavenly Father, a counselor friend of mine encourages you to check out the book How Children Raise Parents: The Art of Listening to Your Family by Dan Allender.  Until next time I pray that God watch over you and guide as you grow closer in your relationship with Him.

Inertia Doesn't Bode Well For Relationships

Not all marriages end because of infidelity, finances, and or abuse.  Sometimes the reason given for a marriage ending is that one or both say that they have fallen out of love. They say that it is no one's fault.  They have just drifted away from one another.  In other words, as B.B. King would say, 'The Thrill Is Gone.'  Now there are several problems with this way of thinking.  The first problem when we play the blues card is that we forget that we made a promise (covenant) with God and our spouse that this relationship would be a lasting one.  The problem is that we have forgotten that love is a verb and thus denotes action.  The problem is that we become self centered and we count on past emotions and experiences to carry the relationship forward.  If you don't fuel the relationship it will eventually die.

When dating we often go to great lengths to please the other person and do anything we can for him or her.  This often continues through the first year of marriage which is called the honeymoon year.  The problem usually starts when the ecstasy of finally being together and married wears off. We allow the honeymoon to end.  The man who married my wife and I during premarital counseling told us that in his opinion the honeymoon never has to end!  I happen to agree with him. Because it is when we allow the honeymoon to end that people start to live for me instead of living us.  The solution to this problem is found in the two greatest commandments.

   ““Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” Jesus replied: “ ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”” (Matthew 22:36–40, NIV84)

The second greatest commandments solves the symptoms to the failing marriage, while the greatest solves the problem itself!  When I approach my relationship with my beautiful bride Jenny with this way of thinking it changes my marriage.  I start to think to myself: "What is going on in her life? How can I come alongside her and help her where she needs it?  What is a way that we can both find some time to just enjoy life together?"  When I ask these kinds of questions I am a  better husband and I have a better marriage.  

However, this is only possible when I take the time to ask these kind of questions to God and fulfill the greatest commandment me to love the Lord my God.  When I love God and spend time working on my relationship with Him it is a lot easier to maintain my relationships with people.  But it's more than maintenance it's a joy.  Somehow, cleaning the kitchen and or making dinner at the end of the day doesn't seem as much of a chore as it does on other days.  So because of that, I have to disagree with Mr. King and say: The Thrill Is NOT Gone!  The picture above is Jenny and I on our honeymoon in Maui.  Although there have been some bumps along the road, our trip has only just begun!

Next week, I'll be talking about how Jen and I work to keep both our relationship with one another and with God growing and not becoming stagnant. You may be surprised at some of my thoughts regarding this dilemma that faces most of us.